A Flower Bud Story
by RainbowMelody
Summary: HM:MM. A story about Jill, the main character, and her peaceful life as a farmer...or, at least, that's what she paid us to tell you. Rated just to be safe. Also, if you have never played Magical Melody, this probably won't make sense. Just so you know.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Spring 1**

**Author's Note:** Welcome to "A Flower Bud Story", advertised on my profile as "a Harvest Moon wacko-banana comedy with no point whatsoever". True that may be, but I _really_ enjoy writing this. XD Have fun! (And as always… reviews will be rewarded. With cookies. Yes.)

-----

Jill approached the town square of Flower Bud Village, utterly exhausted from her travel. Her ponytailed hair was matted, beads of sweat dripped down her face, and...

"Uh, excuse me, Mr. Narrator Guy?"

Yes, Jill. What is it this time?

"I don't exactly want to seem unattractive. Could you read... this instead?" Jill handed the narrator a sheet of paper.

Fine.

"Thanks!"

Jill approached the town square of Flower Bud Village, utterly exhausted from her travels. Her shining hair bounced on her shoulders, her eyes sparkled, and her whole self was positively glowing. In fact, she deserved to be a top model in...

"Well?" Jill urged, batting her eyes.

This makes no sense, Jill. How can you be utterly exhausted and still look like this?

Jill shrugged. "I dunno. Magic of television?"

Good try. Let's just say that Jill's in Flower Bud Square now. Can I please continue the story now?

"Fine," Jill pouted.

Thank you.

Jill stood there for a moment, observing her surroundings. A new farmer such as she would need plenty of resources, and judging by the clean air and good upkeep of the place, she would do well indeed.

"Puh-lease. There's weeds everywhere and all the stakes in the town are rotting."

Ahem. Anyway... Jill noticed a man approaching her, dressed in a stately mayor's uniform. He smiled and greeted her with...

"Excuse me? Stately? That's the tackiest uniform I've ever seen. It totally clashes with the..."

JILL! Could you please just go along with this? (The narrator began to get very annoyed.)

Jill stuck out her tongue. "Fine."

Mayor Theodore, having not heard this conversation, continued to smile. "Welcome to Flower Bud Village! You must have come on the Exciting Ranch Plan! So, I have three available lots for you to choose..."

"Have you been stalking me?" Jill asked, inching away, bewildered by the sheer amount of things Theodore knew about her.

"Not at all." Theodore coughed and glanced away for a moment. "Uh... anyway... you can choose from the town property, the riverside property, or the ocean property. Which one will it be?"

"Well, I guess... HEY! What about the cool property, like the one with the orange trees and Flower Bud Point and the ones in the mountains? Why can't I have those?"

"Uh... because... that's where we were planning to..."

"Never mind. I want the oceanfront one. Does it come with a house?"

"Well, yes indeed. Come with me."

Suddenly they were standing in front of a tiny house on the property Jill had chosen. There were weeds everywhere, the house was puny, and worse still, Jill was still trying to comprehend how they got to the house so fast.

"So, this is your house," Theodore said. "Complete with kitchen, bed, and TV."

"Does it have a bathroom?"

"Actually, no. No bathroom. But it does have..."

"What? WHY DOES NO ONE IN THIS ----ING TOWN HAVE A BATHROOM?"

"Uh, I must be going now. Why don't you move the furniture around and then go to sleep?"

Theodore hastily departed while Jill stood, pouting, in the middle of what could have been mistaken as a garden shed. The house was so small, she could barely move the furniture around.

"Oh, blah blah blah about the stupid puny house! Can we just have me go to bed now?"

I thought you'd never ask.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: The Harvest Sprites, Jamie and a Strange Lawn Ornament**

**Author's Note:** Thanks to Ekoaleko (lol) for reviewing. XD On with the WTF-worthy show.

-----

The Harvest Goddess hung her head, shaking it a little as she contemplated her decision. The three Harvest Sprites stood before her, shaking their heads as she spoke.

"People forgot how to appreciate..." the Harvest Goddess began, sadness in her heart.

The Sprites shook their heads again, three little black dots appearing over each of their heads as they did.

"Hey, Narrator? What's with the little dots?" Carlos asked.

Arthur batted at the dots above his head. "They're not going away!"

I don't know. This is supposed to be sad, remember? Just ignore the dots.

The Goddess cleared her throat. "Anyway... uh... they forgot how to..." She coughed and whispered, "Line?"

"I dunno," Billy said. "Maybe you should just turn to stone. I mean, it's not like you need to make a long speech or anything."

"Okay. See ya!" The Goddess suddenly was surrounded in sparkling lights, which proceeded to transform her into a statue of solid stone.

"Ahh! The Harvest Goddess turned to stone!" wailed one of the Sprites.

"Ahh! The Harvest Goddess!" cried another.

"Ahh! Who's going to sign our paychecks?" shrieked the last.

Suddenly, out of nowhere came Jamie. "Hey guys, what's up?" he asked.

"Uh... I thought you were a supposed to be a girl," whispered Billy.

"No, I'm not. Remember? The new farmer's a girl." Jamie whispered back.

"Oh. Right." Billy coughed and turned back towards the Goddess.

"What's happened to her?" Jamie gasped in wonder.

"She turned to stone, duh," said Carlos.

"I think I've established that, thank you very much," snapped Jamie.

"Well why did you ask?"

"I - oh, shut up," Jamie said. "I'm trying to add dramatic effect here."

"Fine."

Would you two please be quiet and follow the script? You're giving me a migraine!

"Right. Script. Ah..." Jamie thought for a minute. "Oh yeah! Uh, I will... turn you back to normal..." He hung his head and looked at his feet.

"Hey, look on the bright side, Jamie," said Arthur. "She'll make a funky-looking lawn ornament until she turns back!"

"Dude! You're right!" Jamie said. "I'll go get my wagon. This'll look great on my ranch!"

"Yay!" exclaimed the Harvest Sprites in chorus, jumping up and down.

-----

Jill awoke suddenly.

"WTF?" was the first thing that came to her mind. She really had to stop eating week-old seafood pizza before bed. She had weird dreams all right, but that last one was just messed up.

She was about to jump out of bed when she heard footsteps outside of her door. Jill's eyes widened. _I knew this town was full of stalkers!_ she thought to herself as she tiptoed up to the door.

She opened it a crack and was surprised to see... no one. But as she was walking out the door, something happened.

"What? You can see -"

squish

Jill picked up her foot and wrinkled her nose. "Gross. I stepped in something."

"Hey, it's been a while since someone could see us!" said a voice. Jill looked down and there before her eyes were two small sprites. She was a little confused at this.

"Aren't there supposed to be three of you guys?" Jill asked, raising an eyebrow.

The sprite dressed in yellow pointed to Jill's shoe. Jill took off her shoe and scraped what was left of the red Sprite off of the sole. "Oops. Sorry, dude."

The squished sprite suddenly popped back into shape as if he'd been quickly inflated. "Why do we have to be so small anyway?" he pouted. "It's so much easier to get smushed."

"I don't know," Jill said, flustered, "but what I want to know is, WHY ARE YOU ON MY DOORSTEP AT SIX IN THE MORNING?"

"We have a favour to ask," said one of the Sprites.

Suddenly the four were standing in the Harvest Goddess Spring. Jill shook her head.

"What is with this teleportation crap? Seriously! It's creeping me out!"

The Sprites shrugged and looked up. There, sitting on the grass in front of them, was... absolutely nothing.

"That's the Harvest Goddess, but... oh, hold on a second." Billy snapped his fingers and they were standing in front of the Jamie Ranch. They stepped onto the property.

Arthur hollered to Jamie. "Hey, Jamie! Mind if we look at your lawn ornament for a sec?"

"Sure, whatever," came the reply. The Harvest Sprites led Jill onto Jamie's lawn, where a black dog approached them. Jill read the name floating above its head.

"Calvertutrp?" Jill attempted to read. "Who the hell names their dog Calvertutrp?"

"Never mind that, look!" said Carlos.

Music flared up in the background as the four looked on at a statue that looked like the Harvest Goddess.

"Isn't that the music from the Spring?" Jill asked. "How did it..."

"Billy! Shut off that boom box!" Arthur scolded the blue Sprite, who seemed to be doing an interpretive dance to the Harvest Goddess Spring music.

"Sorry..." Billy said and switched off the music. "Uh, anyway. That's the Harvest Goddess, but something has happened to her."

"I think I've established that," said Jill impatiently.

"She turned to stone a year ago, and has been that way ever since."

"You need to collect a lot of notes to save her!"

Suddenly, Jamie ran up to them. "Hey! What's she doing here?"

"Jamie! She's gonna help us save the Goddess!"

"Stop bugging me! I can do this on my own!" Jamie said. "She got that way because of humans in the first place."

Jill stared at Jamie. "Excuse me, Jamie, but you're a human."

"Yes, well... uh... crap." Jamie slapped himself in the forehead. "Never mind that. But I can still do it myself! Go away!"

"Oh, right. You're real efficient. You've been working at this for a year and how many notes did you get?"

"Uh..." Jamie coughed. "...none."

"Right then," Jill agreed with the Sprites. "One question, though."

"What is it?" Carlos asked.

"What the heck are notes?"

Billy sighed. This could take a while.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: The First Note and the Ugly Mutt**

**Author's Note:** Not much to say this time, except that I've forgotten to say that I don't own Harvest Moon. XD This being a fanfiction, that should be blatantly obvious, but you never know.

-----

"...so that's what notes are." With this finish, Billy collapsed on the ground in a hard sleep.

"Okay. So I have to get a hundred of these things just to save a lawn ornament?"

"HARVEST GODDESS!" Jamie yelled at Jill from across the ranch.

"That's right! And you can have this too." Arthur handed Jill a little blue device.

"Gee, thanks! Uh... what is it?"

"It's a pedometer. It counts your steps!" Carlos explained.

"Okay. Sure. Can I go now?"

The sprites (except the sleeping Billy) shrugged. "Sure."

Jill turned to walk away. No sooner had she taken a step that there was a flash of light and a shiny rainbow blob appeared above her head. It had a note inside. Jill spun around and cried, "LUCKY!"

"Whoa! Is that my voice?" Jill coughed and patted her throat.

The Sprites looked at Jill with huge cheesy grins on their faces. "You've picked up a note!" exclaimed one of them. "This is how you get them!"

Jill ran around in circles swatting at the note. "IT'S NOT GOING AWAY!"

The words 'First Step Note' appeared in front of Jill's face. She screamed and toppled backwards, still frantically trying to push away the note. Jill rolled off of Jamie's property, becoming covered in mud as she did, the note still floating above her head.

Carlos sighed. "And I thought Jamie was terrible at this job."

Arthur agreed. "Yeah. So... what do you wanna do?"

"Um..." Carlos thought for a minute. "Hey! I know! Let's prank-call Theodore!"

"All right! Let's use Jamie's phone!"

"Yay!"

-----

Jill finally reached her house, slamming the door behind her and breathing a sigh of relief. She looked up - no more musical note. She was beginning to understand why Flower Bud didn't have too many people living in it...

Just then there was a knock on her door. Jill leapt up and grabbed her Iron Hammer from the tool box, her eyes flashing with rage. "Okay, stalker... show me what you've got."

She flung the door open, the hammer raised high above her head. Jill shut her eyes and got ready to bring it down...

"Good morning!"

Jill opened one eye. Standing in front of her was a cute-looking young woman with a short brown haircut and an apron. Standing beside the girl was a dog. Normally Jill would have liked the dog, but this was just about the ugliest dog she'd ever seen. It was generally dumb-looking (except for the bandanna around its neck - that was pure cuteness), with a two-sizes-too-big head and a general stupid expression.

"Hello," the girl said to her as Jill hid the hammer behind her back. "I'm Ellen and I'm from the Blue Sky Ranch!"

Suddenly Jill began to do a sort of dance. She had been trying to tell Ellen her name and where she'd come from, but her arms moved very strangely around as she explained.

"Hey! Narrator! Cool it on the details, okay? It's not my fault that I have to do this funny dance every time I explain something!"

Fine. Okay. Whatever.

"Hey, Jill," Ellen said. "This dog was born on our farm, but we don't have room for it. Could you take care of it?"

Jill nodded happily.

"Wait! No! I didn't want to nod! I'm being controlled against my will! NOOOOO!"

"Pick out a name for it, then," said Ellen cheerily.

"IT? The dog doesn't even have a gender? What kind of a messed-up world do I live in?"

Suddenly a giant keyboard appeared in front of Jill, forcing her to pick a name.

"Isn't that great, Ugly?" Ellen beamed, seeming completely unaware of the insulting name the dog had been given. "You'll be treated well!"

The dog barked happily and bounded inside the house. "Hey! No! NOT ON THE FLOOR, YOU STUPID MUTT!"

Ellen grinned. "Bye now," she said before making her way off of Jill's farm.

Jill's face twisted into a devilish expression as she opened the door to her tiny house. "Oh yes," she muttered, hands still on the hammer. "You'll be treated well all right."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: "Turnip Seeds"**

**Author's Note:** Ekoaleko, Awesome Rapidash, The Scarlet Sky, Kin756894 and Hinata-rocks: You guys win my awesomeness award for this chapter. XD

This chapter is short, but never fear. More Harvest Moon crack is in your near future! x3

-----

Jill woke up the next morning with bags under her eyes.

"Stupid dog..." she muttered. No matter how much she hit it with her hammer, it simply refused to die, and it had worn her out last night. She hopped out of bed and wrote in her diary, as she did nearly every morning.

_Dear Diary: _

_I hate life._

She shut the book and proceeded to open the door. But as soon as she did, Jill was face-to-face with a tall, burly guy, standing right on her doorstep with a big grin.

"Hi there! I'm..."

"WHAT THE $!#! DO YOU WANT?!" Jill screamed, starting to foam at the mouth.

The guy at her door backed up a few steps. "...mommy!"

Jill looked on as the large young man fled in terror, faster than Jill thought was possible. She sighed contentedly. That felt good.

The morning air was crisp but salty with the sea breeze. Jill decided that if she was ever going to make any money off of this job, she'd have to grow some crops and raise some animals... so, it was off to Spring Farm for her. As much as Jill hated being swarmed by overly friendly townspeople, she figured she had no choice.

As soon as she entered the building, a pink-haired woman greeted her. "Hello! You're the new farmer, aren't you?"

Jill nodded and explained who she was, doing the same 'dance' she had done earlier while doing so.

"I'm Liz, and this - "

"Hold on a second. Why are your eyes closed?"

"Huh?"

"Your eyes aren't open. What is wrong with you people?"

Liz looked a little confused. "Uh..."

Jill held up four of her fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Nine," Liz said.

"I rest my case."

Liz shrugged and continued. "This is my daughter Nina. NINA!"

Another pink-haired girl, this one with her eyes open, came out of the back room. This one creeped Jill out. She looked like she was about nine years old, and yet she was as tall as Jill.

"Hi!" the girl said in a high-pitched voice that made Jill want to writhe on the floor in pain. "I'm Nina, and this is for you!"

The pink-haired girl handed Jill a notebook of sorts. Jill looked at it.

"It's a crop notebook! It'll tell you all there is to know about crops! Tee-hee!"

Pink hearts swirled above both of their heads. Jill took a couple of steps backward. "Okaaaaay..."

"We'll be looking forward to your next visit," Liz said. "Come back soon!"

"Wha? But..."

Suddenly Jill was standing just inside the door, about ten feet from where she used to be standing. She walked up to the counter and Liz greeted her again.

"Hi! Welcome to my shop! What are you in the market for?"

The merchandise was laid out on the table before her. Jill picked out two packages of seeds - Breadfruit and Cabbage - and handed them to Liz.

"These two, please," Jill said.

"Mmm-hmm. And what are these?"

Jill grinned a little evilly. "Uh... Turnip Seeds."

"Very well. That'll be 40G, please," she said.

Jill handed her some of her money and made off with the seeds.

Back at the farm, Jill took out her Iron Hoe from the toolbox. Putting it into her hands, she took a deep breath and took it to the field. Tilling the land was the hardest work she'd ever done, and she had only been in the village for three days. Sweat poured down her face and she quickly became covered in dust. Jill -

"Hey!"

Yes, Jill, what is it now?

"What did I tell you about making me seem unattractive?"

Right. Whatever. Just keep hoeing.

Jill was able to hoe two more squares before she had to drop onto the ground with exhaustion. "Whew!" she said. "I bet I can do these last two now... here we go..."

She stood up and swung her hoe.

As soon as the hoe touched the ground, Jill felt faint. She swayed back and forth a couple of times, then fell to the ground.

"NOOOOOO! I only had to do one more..." she said before passing out completely.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Are You Conscious?**

**Author's Note:** There is no note this time. Buahahaha. x3 Enjoy the insanity, folks.

-----

Jill opened her eyes. She wasn't in her own bed. She wasn't on her crop field. She wasn't even in her own house. As far as she knew, she wasn't anywhere she'd ever been before.

She got out of the bed and stretched, feeling much less tired now that she'd slept. But the question still remained... where was she exactly?

Suddenly a voice behind her spoke. "Are you conscious? Jill?"

Jill spun around and looked at the guy standing there. He was wearing a doctor's uniform and could have been considered pretty hot.

Unfortunately Jill was too confused to bother with that thought.

"Hmmm... I wonder!" she snapped, the sarcasm so thick in the air that it became hard for anyone to breathe. "Two questions. Who are you and HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?"

"You passed out because you worked too hard," the doctor said. "You need to take care of your body."

"It'll be you who has to take care of your body after I'm through with you," she snarled. "And why does everyone in this town express no fear whatsoever?"

The doctor shrugged. "I dunno. I'm just following the script."

Jill looked in the narrator's direction. "What is the matter with these people?"

I don't know. Just carry on.

Jill sighed. "Okay, fine! Geez."

Before she _could_ carry on, however, Jill was interrupted by a flashing light and a strange musical sound, accompanied by another gigantic note-blob which sprung up in front of her face. She screamed, fell backwards, and hit her head on the hard metal bedpost nearest to her. All the while, there were words floating in the air, seeming to have come out of nowhere.

"Limitation Note - You failed and fell down. Nice job, wimp." The doctor blinked. "Guess the scriptwriter got lazy."

Meanwhile, Jill had passed out cold on the floor.

Again.

That was anticlimactic.

-----

Jill opened her eyes. She wasn't in her own bed. She wasn't on her crop field. She wasn't even in her own house. As far as she knew, she wasn't anywhere she'd ever been before.

She got out of the bed and stretched, feeling much less tired now that she'd slept. But the question still remained... where was she exactly?

Suddenly a voice behind her spoke. "Are you conscious? Jill?"

Jill spun around and looked at the guy standing there. He was wearing a doctor's uniform and could have been considered pretty...

"Aw, crap. Not you again! GET THE ---- OUT OF HERE!" shrieked Jill, lunging at the doctor before the narrator could finish their sentence. "Give it a rest. You read that part already anyway."

The doctor stared at Jill in the meantime. "You think I'm hot?"

"What? No, dangit!" Jill proceeded to bang her head against the wall repeatedly.

"Hey, don't do that! Banging your head against the wall isn't good for your body!"

Jill proceeded to scream.

"Screaming isn't good for your body!"

Jill whipped out her axe and lunged at the doctor, her eyes glowing red.

"Killing things isn't good for your - oh, ----."

Jill raised the axe above her head and let out a fierce battle cry, running in spastic circles around the room and hacking everything in her path. She ransacked the medicine cabinets, punctured the feather bed, and tore holes in the curtains.

Alex cowered in the corner, his eyes wide with fear.

"Oh, so that's his name!"

Yep. Sorry for not mentioning it sooner.

"I could have told you if you had asked!" protested Alex.

"Can I keep trying to kill Alex now?" Jill asked sweetly, batting her eyelashes.

Okay. Carry on.

Jill finally managed to catch Alex. She swung the axe straight into his middle, laughing maniacally as...

"Hey! How come you're not dying?"

He can't. This story needs to be kept PG, you know. I can't just have you hacking people apart and swearing.

"So that's why my ----ing curses are ----ing censored with ----ing line things." Jill grimaced.

Besides, that's not the way it works in Flower Bud Village. People just lose hearts when you do that.

"Oh." Jill scratched her head, dropping the axe to her side. "Well, if that's the case..."

She hacked away at a bemused Alex with the axe a few more times, then stepped through a monstrous hole created in the wall and bid him farewell.

"See you later, sucker!"

Ah, young love.

"Shut the ---- up."

Fine.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: The Gorge of Eternal Peril**

**Author's Note:** Ekoaleko, Awesome Rapidash, and naru-chan13: You people make me happy. XD Love for you all.

OMG I found this chapter among the crap on my computer. x3 I almost killed myself laughing at my weirdtastic writing. I own Monty Python and the Holy Grail as much as I own Harvest Moon and the planet Jupiter. Which, in case you didn't know, is not at all. xD Enjoy! And also, I promise to make the next chapter longer. I feel like such a hypocrite. I hate it when chapters of stories are so short and here I am, writing a story with excessively short chapters. -whacks self with Bat of Enlightenment- Until next time.

-----

Jill was skipping along the village street when...

"Um. Sorry, just a quick interruption here..." Jill looked at her feet, then whipped her head back up at the narrator with glaring eyes. "I'm doing WHAT?!?"

Skipping. You're skipping along the village street, and then...

"Skipping. SKIPPING? You want me to SKIP? Do you know how GIRLY that is?"

You _are_ a girl.

"I - but... ----, that's beside the point," she snapped. "I am not skipping. You cannot make me. If you do, I swear, I will hunt you down in your sleep and -"

**This scene has been deleted for certain reasons. Please enjoy a happy scene from elsewhere in the village.**

"-and then I'll take my lovely sharp sickle and rip apart your-"

**Ahem. A happy scene from elsewhere in the village.**

It was a beautiful day in Flower Bud Village. Basil, the wandering plant hunter, was enjoying a leisurely walk in the mountains. The sound of the river became audible as he approached the bridge.

Suddenly, an old guy dressed in rags jumped out from behind a nearby rock and blocked Basil's path.

"STOP!" he shouted, scaring the crap out of poor Basil. "He who wishes to cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see!"

Basil blinked. "What the ---- are you doing, Terry? Did you take your medication today?"

The old man ignored him. "WHAT is your name?"

"Uh... Basil."

"WHAT is your quest?"

"I seek the Holy... I mean, plants. I'm looking for stupid plants."

"I see. And WHAT is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

Basil rolled his eyes. "African or European swallow?" he sighed, growing impatient.

"European swallow," Terry replied.

"What? This wasn't in the movie! How am I supposed to know that?" Basil spluttered. He made a mental note to research this stuff, because contrary to popular belief it actually DID come in sense at some points.

Terry laughed. "Ha! Into the Gorge of Eternal Peril with you!"

The old man grabbed Basil by the legs and tried to lift him up and toss him into the river. Unfortunately, because Terry was a geezer, he unceremoniously threw out his back and dropped to the ground with a sound that greatly resembled that of a squeaking door.

Basil stepped out of Terry's grip, shrugged, and continued on his way.

**We now return to your regularily scheduled crap. I mean fanfiction.**

"-and then I'll DOUSE YOUR PUNY REMAINS IN ACID! MUAHAHAHA YOU SHALL PERISH AT MY HANDS! HAHAHAHAAAAAAA!"

**Never mind. We'll just wait till next chapter, or at least until the narrator can find a hiding place.**

I don't get paid enough for this.


End file.
